Chicago, Chicago. What is there to say? I was fit, ready and … I didn’t accomplish my goal. Everyone knows what it feels like to walk away from the finish knowing you were in better shape than that, that you had a better race inside. In the case of the marathon, at first you’re just effing happy you finished. You’re elated. You’re proud because you can literally feel in your bones you gave what you had that day. But as the days go by and the pain subsides things change focus.
Closing in on mile 20... ouch.
The memory of the moment I almost dropped out at mile 13 becomes blurry. The pride I felt for marching onward as my body rebelled is blurry too. The bruises on both my knees from falling after the finish are fading. But my disappointment has come into sharp focus. For weeks before Chicago I’d wake up with visions of the race in my head. Now I wake up and have to remind myself that I didn’t make it. During my training I didn’t allow myself to imagine that.
Melissa Gacek and I, around mile 8?
So what the hell did happen? The marathon happened, shit. But more specifically I’d say mechanics. Side stab twisting the knife under my rib by mile two. The right side is not a well oiled machine. It felt a hell of a lot better than at Vermont City, when I had a calf cramp before mile 7. But eventually the right side of my body goes into lock down, everything pulling and straining. It feels like a rope is getting shorter and shorter between my right rib and knee, cranking every step. Until by mile 24 when I literally thought I’d started walking or maybe my knee had actually moved into my stomach and needed to double check in store window reflections that, yes, I was still running! Sort of.
Am I still moving?
Mile 22?
BUT enough about what went wrong, let’s come over to the sunny side of the street. Where I hope to residing full time soon. It’s another marathon down. I learned a lot and found more pieces to this puzzle. And I’m still moving! Not laying in an MRI looking at an injury sentence. Which for so many years, did not seem like a possible reality.
I trained as hard as my body would allow all summer. I didn’t give up when things got derailed. I committed to one race in ways I’d never done before. I knew everything I gave up was worth what I was gaining.
Times and OTQ aside, the journey is always a reward. One of my weaknesses is not appreciating the journey. Not celebrating the steps. I have to remind myself where I was three years ago. Two years ago. Last year. 1:21:48 was my half marathon PR two falls ago. And I laid it all out for that. At Chicago I ran that half and then added a 1:26 (hello, wall) right after. Yes, I wish it had been two 1:21s, but if you’d asked me if a 2:47 marathon was possible two years ago I’d have laughed!
I had an amazing summer of adventures. Running the dirt roads through eastern Washington vineyards, ocean highways in Oregon, single track trails in Bend, the busy bike path along the Hudson River… miles are so much more than just numbers in a training journal. These miles are my fondest memories and I’ll dream about them when I can’t do this anymore.
My happy place: Maryhill WA
Getting myself to the starting line in Chicago, the very place I’d decided to stop racing four years ago, is a huge accomplishment to me. And blatantly chasing a goal without shame is something I’ve been afraid to do for years. Missing it, well, that’s just part of my story now.
Being there with my husband and friends and team was night and day to what it was last time. I felt like I was part of a special tribe. And I felt the success of my tribe members as though it were my own. I’m so proud of my teammates. It reminded me that while I do train alone, and it gets lonely, I have this amazing team! This crazy support system, at home, at Oiselle.
Melissa and I getting our numbers - loved rooming with MG. Great memories.
Ashley Evans had an amazing first marathon! 2:49!
Owen, constant support
Epic #birdsandbros after party thanks to Granato Racing. Team Oiselle: me, melissa, sarah, becky, laura
My Oiselle family showered me with love before I left, and when I came back despite it all. They believed in me and still do. My friend Dave surprised me by buying a ticket to come and cheer. (Check out his awesome video clips) After the Chicago finish line I couldn’t believe my Twitter feed. I cried so many happy tears reading those messages. I was overwhelmed. Who am I to have that cheer squad? There are no words!
I wish I was writing my play by play to the 2:42 success, but I’m not. I chased it hard and a bit blindly through Chicago’s streets. I’d be lying if I said I’m not sad and going through mourning stages, but there is a bigger picture and it’s bright. Thanks for being part of it.
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Speaking of my tribe… this fall, TWO Oiselle teammates have snagged the OTQ marathon standard. Marci Gage and Heidi Greenwood! And this is only the beginning for these two women, get ready to watch some times drop.
