There's a song by Andrew Bird called Fiery Crash. I heard him talk about it on NPR (or somewhere else, I'm not sure and conveniently can't find it right now). When asked what that song was about he explained that it was, in part, about needing to imagine the worst before moving on. Essentially he's vividly imagining the flight he's waiting to board going down in a fiery crash to cope with flying.
I completely identify with that coping behavior. I have to imagine the bottom falling out before moving on. The trick is moving on. I can be debilitated by constantly replaying 'the worst scenario' until there is no room for reality or 'the best scenario' to enter my mind.
It's almost as if dealing with obstacles is more comfortable than dealing with success or even just smooth sailing. A reliance on challenge and difficulty is something I have to constantly, conciously move away from. There is still challenge to be had in the midst of non-chaos.
Right now I'm consiously transitioning into the reality that things are going well with our baby. Worry has taken too much of the past few months, and while I know I can't squash worry entirely I don't want to let it invade the good. I don't want to look back and see this time wasted completely on worry.
We had our first ultrasound to measure our baby's growth since being told she/we had Marginal Cord Insertion. At the 20 week, when the Marginal Cord was discovered, she was in the 58% percentile for size and weight (already a little big). Now at the start of 25 weeks she's in the 76%. And the cord is closer to the center of the placenta (as the placenta grew over the last 5 weeks the edge got further away). The fear of her growth being stunted just doesn't seem to be panning out. Girl is getting big!
I'm putting on my rose colored glasses here for a bit and adjusting my view. Yes, I'll always be a hyper-realist, and a worrier. But when the picture of reality includes positives, why not absorb and reflect them back along with the rest?
The reality is we're having a baby. So far we know she's a girl with the most adorable little face I've ever seen and she'll be here in August. I'm pregnant and I'm doing my best every day to be the best mama and the best me. The rest... I'll deal with as it comes.
I completely identify with that coping behavior. I have to imagine the bottom falling out before moving on. The trick is moving on. I can be debilitated by constantly replaying 'the worst scenario' until there is no room for reality or 'the best scenario' to enter my mind.
It's almost as if dealing with obstacles is more comfortable than dealing with success or even just smooth sailing. A reliance on challenge and difficulty is something I have to constantly, conciously move away from. There is still challenge to be had in the midst of non-chaos.
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| Smooth sailing is bathroom selfies |
Right now I'm consiously transitioning into the reality that things are going well with our baby. Worry has taken too much of the past few months, and while I know I can't squash worry entirely I don't want to let it invade the good. I don't want to look back and see this time wasted completely on worry.
We had our first ultrasound to measure our baby's growth since being told she/we had Marginal Cord Insertion. At the 20 week, when the Marginal Cord was discovered, she was in the 58% percentile for size and weight (already a little big). Now at the start of 25 weeks she's in the 76%. And the cord is closer to the center of the placenta (as the placenta grew over the last 5 weeks the edge got further away). The fear of her growth being stunted just doesn't seem to be panning out. Girl is getting big!
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| go, baby girl, go |
I'm putting on my rose colored glasses here for a bit and adjusting my view. Yes, I'll always be a hyper-realist, and a worrier. But when the picture of reality includes positives, why not absorb and reflect them back along with the rest?
The reality is we're having a baby. So far we know she's a girl with the most adorable little face I've ever seen and she'll be here in August. I'm pregnant and I'm doing my best every day to be the best mama and the best me. The rest... I'll deal with as it comes.
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| Baby room inspiration and my reminder to breath and relax. Photo cred Tycho |