there's a little bit of magic

"there's a little bit of magic / everybody has it / there's a little bit of sand left in the hourglass"

Jenny Lewis, Head Underwater

A lot has changed in the past year, the past two years. And at the best of me I've grown up a lot. And certainly changed. I'm like that friend that came back from Europe junior year of college and is all, "Dude, you gotta go. It changed my life." but in the case of having a kid it's actually true. But only sounds slightly less douchey to everyone else.

Competitive running took a back seat, actually it was more like a Cheerio under the back seat. And I was truly 100% fine with it. I wasn't sleeping. I was trying to keep my head above water at work. And every spare moment I wanted to spend with Penelope. It simply didn't have a place in my life. I still ran and loved it. But the goals I had were simple, like be fit enough to run the long run with friends. And run all the dirt roads possible this summer.

Check!

Check. Check.

But something flipped late this summer. Well, we started sleeping when Penelope was almost a year old. No more getting up 4 times a night! Life changing. And things started to feel a little less like survival and a little more like life.

And I don't know when I the tiny voice returned, the one that whispers, why not me? But there she was again! I listened I signed up for California International Marathon thinking I can always pull out. A few weeks later I bought a plane ticket. And I owned up to it. Because why not me? I'm running anyway. Why not train? And I'm training anyway. Why not race? And if I'm going to race, why not chase the sub 2:43 one more time.

It doesn't weigh as much to me as it did. I can hold the goal loosely. I'm nowhere near a shoe in, but I'm going to train hard and do my very best. Nothing to lose. And I do believe there's a little bit of magic.